yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
