He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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