I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
