i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
