I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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