Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
