i don't like sucking hair
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
