Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
