On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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