you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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