Just cropdusted the office
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
