So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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