Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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