Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
