That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
