why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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