I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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