hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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