No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
