Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
