Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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