Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize