They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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