Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
