I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
