Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
