The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Drunk is not a location!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
