Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
