'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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