I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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