Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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