I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
