I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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