Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
