Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
