Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
