she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
