Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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