I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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