i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
time to smoke my breakfast
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
