Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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