Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
