Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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