the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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