She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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