Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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