I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
