you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
