Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
