Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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