just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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