She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize