There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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