My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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