I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
