I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
