U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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