Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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