I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
