just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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