it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pooping to opera.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
