His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
