Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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