Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize