You're my little dorito
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
