i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
