ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
