If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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