So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
