when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
