I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Where is the hickey?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
