you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
