Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
