It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
